Sunday, April 26, 2009

The Son Also Rises Pt. 2

(Continued from The Son Also Rises Pt. 1)

This morning, I was happily sitting in my enormous California-King, Tempurpedic bed minding my own business and discreetly leafing through some lusty computer porn when my six-year-old son Ethan charged into my room unannounced. (In my home, I am treated like a prisoner on suicide watch, as my son the warden has demanded that my bedroom door be kept unlocked at all times) Ethan had unilaterally decided that for today's morning activity, he would like to visit Target and buy the Lego version of the Star Wars 'Death Star.'
I fumble to minimize my computer screen so my son doesn't catch a glimpse of the unspeakable acts being committed there - and as I try to look casual and formulate a way to let him down easy, a delicious, tantalizing thought passes through my mind. Why not pass the buck?

How The Grinch Passed The Buck
By Tod Abrams

The Grinch laughs and smiles with a grin most unseemly,

For he does not 'adore' providing the toys the boy enjoys oh so keenly,

For visiting Walmart or Target in search of new things is too gross,

The fugly clothes, greeters and lighting making the Grinch morose.

So what does he do this cowardly Grinch from his bed?

He comfortably rolls over and cries 'I'm exhausted, I'm dead!"

"Perhaps there are others who might provide you such pretty things,

like your grandmother, she of the endless Twinkies and Ring Dings."

"Telephone her now as she is but a short drive away,

and a trip to the Burbank Target will certainly brighten her day!"

And as the boy hurriedly leaves in search of a phone,

The smarmy Grinch curls up in bed, happily alone,

for the Lego toy the boy wants takes WEEKS to be built,

And she who will provide it racked with parental guilt,

so the Grinch is now free to pursue a much loved, much favored hobby,

the viewing of dark films starring Corey, Juan, Axel and Bobby.

(To Be Continued)

1 comment:

  1. lmao
    you cheeky bastard
    thumbs up on finding the parenting loophole, the grandparents.

    Can't wait for Prt 2!

    Will Grandma agree to Pick up Ethan? Will he complete his death star? And will the Grinch ever get out of bed? I shall stay tuned!