Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Games People Play Pt 3

(Continued from Games People Play Pt. 2)

The incomparable dancer/choreographer Martha Graham was once quoted as saying 'The center of the stage is where I am.' In that deceptively simple quote we are able to understand Ms. Graham in her totality. The world is her stage and the stage her world. If you were to take Ms. Graham's simple the-world-is-your-stage concept, and allow it to metastasise into a narcissistic religion, you would possess a basic understanding of my husband's family. Each of the kindly, Tolken-esque members of George's family are scintillating stars on the verge of going supernova. These charming, simple 'villagers' possess so many innate 'talents' that visitors are warned to steer clear of the impromptu living room 'stage' as one could easily be trampled by errant family members desperate to have their way with the family's pride and joy, the Ronco MR. MICROPHONE.

In my limited time with my husband's family, I have been 'treated' to mind numbing, Karaoke, vertigo-inducing poetry readings, and stand up routines so tortuously unfunny that I've been tempted to contact Amnesty International and report George's family for having violated my basic human rights. I had hoped that this Christmas might be different, that the grab and go 'thrill kills' of the gory White Elephant contest might have satisfied the family's bloody desire for more egregious spectacles. How wrong I was!

I was horrified to learn that today's soul-deadening holiday 'center piece' festivity consisted of a 'spirited' dramatic reading of every Hallmark Christmas card received by George's family for the last 3 years. With mounting panic, I watched as George's elderly aunts and uncles smacked their lips, their eyes glistening as they savored the obscene bounty of ugly Christmas cards before them, hungry for their chance to grab the MR. MICROPHONE and dazzle the room with their perfect elocution and dramatic 'flair.'

Being the trapped, sniveling weasel that I am, I had to make up my mind between two unattractive choices - either fight or flight.

(To be continued)

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