Monday, November 9, 2009


(Continued From Princess)

Belle of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST had a very worried look on her face. She had taken the seat closest to mine, and kept her gloved hand in mine as I bitterly complained about the sad turns my life had taken. She regarded me with a look of sympathy, but I could tell her benevolent look of quiet understanding masked a terrible sense of foreboding. Belle listened patiently as I told the tale of my former life of Hollywood fabulousness that had degenerated into a married-with-children calamity. In weepy torrents, it spilled out of me.

I told Belle of my glorious days of hedonistic sexual promiscuity, how'd I've been to Nice and the isle of Greece while I sipped champagne on a yacht. I
lamented how I had moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed them what I've got.
How'd I'd been undressed by kings and seen some things that a gay boy ain't
s'pose to see, how sadly I'd been to paradise but I've never been to me.

As tiny tears rolled down Belle's carefully powdered cheeks, she blew her Shiksa nose into a tiny gold satin handkerchief. She collected herself, rose and as dozens of cute, fuzzy woodland creatures suddenly surrounded us, Belle began to sing in the sweetest, clearest voice.

Hey lady, you lady
cursing at your life
you're a discontented father
with a hideous, shallow life
I `ve no doubt
you dream about the things you never do
but I wish someone had a talk to me like I wanna talk to you

Please lady please lady
don't just walk away
Cause I have this need to tell you
why I'm not alone today
I can see so much of me
still living in your eyes
won't you share a part
of a weary heart that has lived a million lives?

As Belle continued to sing, I casually glanced around Ariel's Grotto and could see that
Aurora and Cinderella were giving me the stink eye as Snow White furiously screeched
into a walkie-talkie.

Belle's verse had come to an end and as she and all the woodland creatures peered
at me expectantly, I decided to throw caution to the wind. I took Belle's hygienically
gloved hands, waltzed around the room, and while trampling beaming kiddies in
their cheap, Disney Princess knock-off costumes sang:

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children
that might have made me complete
but I, I took the sweet life
I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I spent my life exploring
the subtle whoring
that costs too much to be free
hey lady I've been to paradise
but I've never been to me...

As we waltzed, Snow White put Ariel's Grotto into full lock-down and had bitchily
alerted the security guards, disturbingly attired like Prince Charming, to take me out.
Time was not on my side...

(To be Continued)

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