Wednesday, September 2, 2009



Infant unhurt in alleged coyote attack despite
careless, DIPSHIT dad.

By Sean Hannity
Hannity & Colmes

LOS ANGELES, California (FOX News)--Tongues were wagging in left-wing, culturally elitist Hollywood today as word spread of a possible coyote attack upon little-known, bewilderingly unprepared marketing executive Tod Abrams, whose irresponsible and negligent idea of 'fun' is to take his new born baby hiking through treacherous, bone-dry back country with neither baby supplies, map, compass or cell phone. Abrams, who had reportedly gained 15-20 pounds of 'baby weight' due to his addiction to fruity Apple-Martinis and Starbuck's Grande Caramel Frappuccinos, thought an early morning sojourn through steeply wooded, wild-animal-infested terrain would be just the ticket for his fatty-fat self and helpless infant son. Abrams, whose 'flamboyant' and 'colorful' hiking ensemble can best be described as woefully inadequate, appeared to suffer only minor scratches despite the alleged coyote 'attack.'

"He look really scared," says avid Korean hiker Mae Kim Won, "He run down the hill screaming like little girl."

According to neighbors, Abrams, who is homosexual and 'married' (Isn't that illegal?!) to longtime-companion
(Gag!) George Bamber has a long history of hyperbole and self-delusion in addition to an unhealthy affinity for squeezing his blubbery, middle-aged self into 'outfits' kindly described as 'too youthful.'
While there seemed to be no physical evidence of the coyotes who allegedly attacked Abrams, both father and son were transported out of the area by paramedics.
In an extremely telling development, Abrams' unharmed infant son, bound in some curious, third-world jungle sack seems to have remained peacefully, and unbelievably asleep during the entire 'ordeal.'

In a statement released by Commissioner Barry A. Sanders of the City of Los Angeles Department of Recreation and Parks, Abrams' 'drama queen' claims of a coyote attack were quickly dismissed as a 'publicity stunt' and the citizens of LA encouraged to continue using Griffith Park's magnificent hiking paths and playing fields.

After being treated for their 'injuries' and released by Cedars Sinai, Fox News pressed Abrams regarding his specious claims of a coyote attack. With his infant son screaming at the top of his tiny lungs, and holding a can of RED BULL, Abrams stepped theatrically into his gleaming Towncar, waved, but declined to comment citing 'nervous exhaustion.'

1 comment:

  1. Wow, a trusted source - I get all the news (that matters) from Fox News. Good Tod's OK now.